On Dress Codes (Spoken or Otherwise)

"Etiquette and Protocol" found on SquidPig's deviant art page

Formal invitations always list an attire suggestion, but even non-formal occasions require a dress code; these are often confusing and hard to decipher.  What’s the difference between black tie and white tie?  And what’s the ratio of business to casual in business casual anyway?  Why does it all matter as long as you’re wearing clothing at all?  I recently attended a scholarship luncheon for my alma mater as an alumni chapter representative.  Six recipients were each awarded at least $1000 in scholarships.  One of the recipients attended wearing jeans and a tshirt.  Doesn’t it seem disrespectful to attend a luncheon held in your honor with the donors present while wearing jeans and a tshirt?  I think so.

First: why do dress codes even matter?  The world around us is increasingly more casual with the constant advent of new technology.  Actually, attire is one of the few categories where etiquette still tends to be followed and this probably has a great deal to do with fear of how other people react.  Even I am perpetuating that notion by saying wearing jeans and a tshirt at a scholarship luncheon was disrespectful. (Especially in light of how much money was being awarded to him—not that the money should make the difference!)  But why?  We can bring cell phones to dinner, but we can’t wear what we please?

Societal norms change constantly.  These days, it is okay to bring a cell phone to dinner, because everyone else does.  It is okay to send emails at weird hours, because everyone else does.  It is okay to be pushy or impatient in airports or restaurants, because everyone else does it too.  These things shouldn’t be okay, but they are.  And yet, you can’t wear jeans and a tshirt to a luncheon—or you shouldn’t—because everyone else’s opinion matters.  You’re making a first impression, or at least an impression of yourself, with your outfit.

That’s really all it is.  Let’s make a comparison using the luncheon’s semi-casual cousin: brunch.  If you’re going to brunch with your friends, you can probably wear jeans and a tshirt.  But, if you’re going to brunch with your significant other’s parents (within the first few times you have met them, and especially the first time), what will you wear then?  You’ll probably put on something nicer.  The reason?  As I said before, fear of other peoples’ opinions.  Your friends have already formed an opinion on you and that’s not likely to change because of whatever you decide to wear that day.  Your significant other’s parents, on the other hand, could form other opinions on the rest of your life based on how you were dressed.  You want those to be good opinions, so you throw on something nicer in the beginning.  And then the hope is that at some point the parents will add “just likes to wear jeans and a tshirt” to your list of qualities.

How do we best combat fear of other peoples’ opinions?  The timeless advice is: it’s okay to be a little overdressed.  This advice is timeless for a reason.  No one will blink an eye if you wore something just a bit above whatever the stated or assumed dress code happened to be.  There are times when other people will give your attire the side eye, but the vast majority of the time, you will know that’s how they would react (if you were to wear a cocktail dress or a suit at a barbecue, for instance).  So, what do you do when you’re confused?

Go here:  The most common dress codes and the events you’re likely to see them at.